Duel personalities
by RavenSohma
Summary: there arent enough words to tell you how sorry i am for this Ryuuzaki, this loss of control. this split personality. AU, LightXL/KiraXL. rape, torture most likely in later chapters. Light's POV.
1. opening

A.N.: hey, this is just a small AU story stemed off some roleplays my friend zombie-elf do. I don't own Death Note, if i did...well it would of been written diffrently. there would of been yaoi, lots and lots of yaoi.

Sometimes I wish I got to see him more often, one week, two weeks. I'll never know how long it's been since I last blacked out. Every time I come back I see him tied up or chained up. beaten, bloodied, crying my name, never expecting me to come.

I dress his wounds, hold him gently and try to comfort him. I'm so sorry Ryuuzaki I really am. I wish I could control him, but that control was lost a long time ago. I wonder if I really ever had any control over him. Perhaps in the beginning, but no longer. Perhaps I should start back then, to explain what's going on now.

I am Light Yagami, three years ago now I was in my high school English class when I noticed a notebook fall from the sky. That day, that night, was the start...no...the end to the rest of my life. The birth of the other me, who consumed me, his name? you might of heard of him, the world calls him. Kira.


	2. duel

A.N.: hey, this is just a small AU story stemed off some roleplays my friend zombie-elf do. I don't own Death Note, if i did...well it would of been written diffrently. there would of been yaoi, lots and lots of yaoi.

Part 1, duel.

_"This world…is rotten" _I thought, listening to the news as I walked to school. Murder, rape, the same old thing day after day. I hated it, perhaps that was where it really started. That thought, the thought this world was a rotten place. I went to class, the lesson was relatively easy, nothing I didn't already know. I gazed out the window, I don't know what I was expecting to happen. What I wasn't expecting however, was a falling black notebook.

Class ended and I headed down to the courtyard to the area where the notebook had fallen. Nobody else had seemed to notice or care about the small black notebook. I picked it up, that was quiet possibly my first mistake.

"Death Note? As in a Notebook of Death?" _'is this a joke?' _was my first thought, I opened it up and looked at the front cover. There we're instructions written in English, what a pain.

I read a bit of it, _'a human whose name is written in this notebook…will die.' _what a joke, I closed it and set it back on the ground. I would have been fine if the story had ended there.

I don't know what it was, perhaps the notebook already had a hold of me. Kira was already starting in my mind, or perhaps it was just flat out curiosity…I went back and picked it up. Shoving it into my backpack. It was twisted, maybe I was twisted too.

There are times I want to go back in time and hit myself for picking up that small black notebook. But it was just a notebook, no harm ever came from reading a book.

I took it home with me, later that night, before cram school I was reading the rules on the inside cover. _'pretty intricate for a joke' _I got up and flopped down on my bed, but what if it was real? It might be worth testing out, I got up and picked a pen out of a pen holder on my desk.

_'but wait, if it's real and someone dies does that make me a murderer.' _it was then I decided it had to be criminals, I turned on my television. On the news, a report about a guy holding up a grade school, keeping several small children and some teachers hostage. This was my first murder, it often goes unnoticed, except by one person. He noticed, L, Ryuuzaki…the love of my life. This murder occurred while I was still in my right mind, so I am responsible for it. I am by no means, completely innocent thought out of the hundreds of people Kira has murdered…I've only killed two.

My second and final murder happened later that night, I needed more proof the notebook was real. I was foolish really, but curiosity killed the cat and in this case. It dragged my soul, the soul of Light Yagami down into the darkness.

I was on my way back from cram school, looking around I saw more and more people this world would be better off without.

There was this girl most likely on her way home from work, a bunch of punks on motorbikes surrounded her. I frowned, this didn't look like it was going to end well. One of them slid his sunglasses off, introducing himself, making a pun off his name trying to sound cool. He really just sounded like a jackass. I walked into a nearby store, pulling out the notebook, hiding it in the pages of a magazine.

I wrote the man's name several times for I was unsure of the spelling from just hearing him speak it once. I had to test something that wasn't a heart attack, a traffic accident would be a easy way to die in this situation. I finished writing and looked at my watch and then out the window, to see what would happen. The girl broke away from the men trying to rape her, she ran out into the street. The man started his bike and went after her, halfway across the street a truck slammed into him.

They never connected that death to the Kira case, but that was my second murder. It was shortly after that, that Kira was born.

After I saw him die I was shaking, it was real…the notebook, it was real. I walked out of the store pale as a ghost. I continued walking home, it began to rain as I walked home. I was in such a daze though I didn't really notice. It was like a vial of darkness in my mind and in my heart. What had I done, I'd taken two human lives. My stomach churned in fear of myself, the power I had.

_"but isn't this what you wanted?" _a voice in the back of my head whispered to me. I staggered and leaned against a stone wall, _"This is what you've been thinking all along isn't it? This world is rotten and needs to be cleaned." _I felt myself slip away from control of my body. He looked up, he needed to do it. Needed to clean the world. That was the exact moment of Kira's birth. The minute my personality split into two. I think that was the last moment I had control over my life, because everything after that went spiraling out of control.


	3. and thats how we

Chapter 2.

A.N.: hey, this is just a small AU story stemmed off some role-plays my friend zombie-elf do. I don't own Death Note, if I did...well it would of been written differently. there would of been yaoi, lots and lots of yaoi. This is just a beta of chapter 2, my beta's computer broke I'll have her fix it when she gets here.

"ssshhhh, ssshhh it's ok Ryuuzaki" I pet my fingers through my lovers hair as he cries against my chest. His back is all cut up this time, crude lettering written with a dagger. Another attempt to brand Ryuuzaki as "his", I feel more then a little responsible for his pain.

How I came to be with Ryuuzaki. that's a interesting story in and of itself. The world knows of the fight between Kira and L sworn enemies who first challenged each other on Japanese television, through a criminal named Lind L. Tailor.

But that's how Kira met him, I really didn't have a part in that. I could still see everything I was doing back then though. We met at school, he suspected me of being Kira. I suppose in the end he was sort of right.

The first time I saw him was at the entrance exams, but we didn't talk then. It was at the opening ceremony he first approached me. After we gave our speech together, being the top students of the entering class.

Kira hated him at first site, I thought he was…strange. He walked in a slight crouched position and he sat strangely, he whore shoes while walking but took them off to sit. They we're little habits of his, over time I came to love. Though I must admit at first they annoyed me greatly. Kira hated them, hated him. Saw him as nothing more then a obstacle to becoming the god of the new world.

Though this was perfect, L himself had come straight to him. Now it was just a matter of getting himself working on the case. that's how Kira had thought.

That's when we met, it was the start of our relationship that was the most interesting thing about us in the end of it all.

We had been chained together going on two months when it happened, at that time I'd temporally gotten rid of Kira or at least the best I could. He was still there, a shadow in the back of my mind, watching and waiting. Who he was and what he was waiting for, I had no idea at the time.

It was bedtime, Ryuuzaki didn't normally sleep in fact I couldn't not remember a time I'd seen him sleep. If he did sleep, it was while I was sleeping. He curled up in bed, giving me space to sleep on my back.

I stared up at the ceiling, "You know Ryuuzaki this is rather…inconvenient" I said, holding up the chain that linked the two of us together. "Yes, forgive me for this Yagami-kun." Ryuuzaki said, "but until I am absolutely sure you are not Kira this is a precaution that must be taken."

I sighed, I knew I wasn't Kira. "I know that Ryuuzaki, but I am not Kira" I insisted for what felt like the hundredth time.

"And I would like to believe you Yagami-kun, but I can not let my personal feeling come into the case."

Personal feelings, it all started there. When Ryuuzaki brought up his personal feelings, I had wondered vaguely if they we're the same kind of personal feelings I held for him. There was no harm in testing it, what was the worst thing that could happen. Ryuuzaki could kick me in the head, it's not like it would be the first time.

It was, a test. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at him laying there, he wild black hair spread out on the pillow. I leaned down and I kissed him, he tensed I could feel it but he did not pull away or try to kick me in the head. I moved away slightly, he looked up at me, his large gray eyes filled with confusion. "Yagami-kun…what was…that about?" he asked.

"I was just…testing a theory." I said before I leaned in to kiss him again, a little deeper this time. He tasted like cheesecake and strawberries, the last thing he'd eaten before we'd come up from the investigation room to get some rest.

That was my first kiss with Ryuuzaki, that same night was the first time we ever made love. I could not let those two kisses be the end of my test, I honestly wanted to see. No, I had to know if Ryuuzaki felt the same for me as I did for him. I pushed my hand under his white cotton tee-shirt and touched his bare skin softly. I heard him give a shocked intake of breath.

"W…What are you doing?" he asked me. To be honest I wasn't too sure myself, "I just, need to know something Ryuuzaki." I leaned up and kissed him again, sliding my tongue into his mouth.

He kissed me back, caressing my tongue with his own. I pushed his shirt up, unable to remove it due to the chain between us. I moved my hands against his skin, the cold chain bumping against him. He whimpered out slightly from the cold, this small noise sent a wave of pleasure I'd never felt before through my body. I wanted him, I unbuttoned my own shirt softly, he gazed up at me. He looked scared and it was cute, I liked it when he showed emotion, it was a nice change from the look of indifference he normally would wear. I parted my shirt and pulled him up into my arms, his bare chest now pressed up against mine. He was trembling.

"What's wrong Ryuuzaki?" I asked him.

"I just don't believe anyone has seen me naked since I learned to dress myself as a child, and I've…I've never even been kissed before." he was having a virgins worries. I leaned down and kissed him again, he moaned out lightly into the kiss.

"You have now" I whispered to him. I ran my fingers down to the silver clasp of his denim jeans, I worked my fingers under it and unclasped it slightly then taking the zipper I moved it down, parting the flaps I could see Ryuuzaki's light blue boxer shorts.

He began to get a bit more daring, running his fingers along the front of me. I pushed his jeans down off from him, leaving him in just his boxer shorts. He slowly unbuckles my pants, unsure of himself.

"It will be ok Ryuuzaki." I whispered, I took my belt and slid it off to the ground. Unbuckling my pants, I took them down, I wasn't wearing anything special just a pain of plain white underwear.

I slid his boxers off slowly, then my own underwear. He looked so scared still, I should of known then that Kira had never left, he was just dormant, he thought Ryuuzaki's helpless looking form was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

I ran my fingers slowly down Ryuuzaki's back, "I don't want to hurt you…" I said. "this may hurt…", he watched me. I think he was trying to tell by my love making if I was Kira. That almost made me angry, but at that moment I really didn't care.

I slid my fingers up inside Ryuuzaki slowly, he clutched onto my back and made a slight gasping noise. "Yagami-kun it hurts…" he said softly.

"I'm sorry" I whispered slightly, I opened him up using two fingers before drawing them out slowly.

I pulled him against me, I should of felt him then once again. He wanted more then anything to hear Ryuuzaki scream. Beg for him, call him a god.

I pushed up into Ryuuzaki for the first time that night, and it would not be the last. That was the first time we had sex.

In the end, that's how we ended up together. How we ended up here, a small apartment in Paris, France. Is another chapter of this story.


End file.
